Refill with Randy – Steady pace needed in running, and grieving

By Randy LeBaron

Good morning! Grab your favorite cup. Fill it up. And let’s start this week right… TOGETHER!!!

A couple of weeks ago I started running again. The first time I ever really ran was back in 2011 when some friends started a program at my church called Run 4 God. It was basically a C25K (Couch to 5K) plan that would help someone go from not running at all to being able to run 3.1 miles without stopping.

Along the way Sid Bolton, a member of my church at the time and an avid runner, used to always joke that the only difference between a jogger and a runner was an entry form—in other words I would need to sign up for a race, and so I did. In fact, I signed up for a number of races including: the Unity 5K in St. Louis, MO, the Strawberry Fest 5K in Albion, the Firecracker 5 Mile in Fairport, the Cattaraugus Camp 5K, the Hospice Dash Half Marathon (13.1 miles) in Niagara Falls/Lewiston, and the Pumpkins in the Park 5K at Mendon Ponds (Does anyone recognize The Joker?)

I shared about this some in an earlier article, focusing on how my friends helped me finish the half marathon and then the following year, how my friend Jack Burris had to run it in my place. Well today I would like to pick up from there as I have recently come to the realization that learning to run again is a lot like learning to walk with grief after losing a loved one.

After attempting to run in the Strawberry Fest 5K in 2012, right after my mother’s passing, I ended up being hospitalized for 4 days after collapsing 2 miles in from exhaustion and stress. At that point I put my running shoes away only to pick them back up the next year as I started over in the Run 4 God program.

I did end up finishing the Strawberry Fest race that year but ultimately ended up getting hurt and having to sit on the sidelines for another season. Each year after I would try to get running again as I was motivated both internally, as I tried to get back in shape with the Healthy Orleans Program, as well as externally, like running in memory of my friend Wayne Burlison who died from cancer 10 years ago.

Unfortunately, every time I started over, I would seem to get laid up with everything from shin splints to spinal stenosis to shingles. Ultimately, I blamed getting older as the culprit and pretty much quit trying a few years back.

The reality though was that my propensity for getting injured was due to one primary factor—false expectations. Each time that I started to train I would be reminded of the fact that in 2011 I had run for 2 ½ hrs. non-stop over a distance of 13.1 miles and so I would push myself too hard, too fast, and try to go too long, too soon.

Even now I have a hard time slowing down to a walk when my App tells me to, but I am determined to do so because what I failed to realize with every other attempt was that I was no longer the same person that I was at the end of 2011. I was no in the same shape, I was no longer the same age, I was no longer as prepared, the list goes on. The fact is that if I am going have a chance at successfully starting, and finishing, this year’s Strawberry Fest race I need to train as if I am doing it for the first time as a 50 year old rather than trying to live in the past.

So, what does this have to do with grieving? Well, what I have discovered through personal experience, as well as coming beside others through my work for Hospice, is that people often begin the grieving process with false expectations. They either think they know exactly what to expect because they have experienced some form of grief in the past or they want to go back to who they were before their loved one died so much so that they try to speed up the grieving process. As you probably guessed, there are problems with both of these approaches.

In the first scenario it should be noted that not only does everyone grieve differently but also that every grief experience is different. Losing a parent is not the same as losing a spouse or a child and if someone has multiple losses in a short period of time, they may find themselves not grieving fully until after the final one.

As with running races, where you need to train uniquely for each one—not relying on your previous training, you need to expect to grieve each loss in a unique way. With the second scenario, you need to understand that you are not the same person that you were before the death of your loved one and pretending that you are or hurrying up the grief process to get back to “normal” is futile,  it will only cause you get injured and have to start all over again.

Another lesson I learned from running that can applied to grieving is to do it in community. I have always run better when training in with others. I find encouragement and inspiration from those who are on the same journey. Similarly, there is a lot to be said about walking through grief in community. Not only can you find encouragement from others, but you can learn to pace yourself alongside them as well.

If anyone is interested in coming out to the Grief Support Group that I lead through Hospice of Orleans, we will be meeting this month on Tuesday, April 9th at 4 p.m. at the First Baptist Church in Albion (30 W. Park St.) and on Tuesday, April 23rd at 4 p.m. at the First Baptist Church of Medina (203 W. Center St.) All are welcome.

See you in two weeks!

Pastor Randy